Psychotherapy occurs within a relationship between you and your therapist and is devoted to your well-being and growth. Relieving your pain, reducing your symptoms, or changing your behavior or lifestyle may be parts of that goal. The only direct benefit to the therapist is the fee which you pay. It is never your responsibility to take care of your therapist's needs, health, or well-being, other than to pay the fee.

The main way in which the goals of psychotherapy are achieved is by talking together. Sometimes other kinds of "expression," such as doing art, playing (most often used with children) or writing a journal can be used. Other methods (such as massage, relaxation training, meditation, and so on) may be suggested, but your therapist will use only approaches to which you agree. You have a right to be informed and to understand the purposes, activities, risks, and reasonable chances of success of any approach.

Psychotherapy (or "therapy") is not physical; ordinarily the client and the therapist do not touch one another. It is not directly spiritual, that is, your therapist will not advocate particular brands or approaches to spirituality; although spirituality is considered to be important. As a friend of mine has said, “psychology” means “tending the soul.” Therapy is not necessarily about past memories; although it can be. It is not necessarily about one's family of origin; although it can be. Basically, therapy is about you striving to know yourself better and finding ways to solve your problems and live more happily in the world.

Therapy is present and future oriented; although some forays into understanding the past may be needed and beneficial. Although nothing can undo the past, those who are unaware of their past are condemned to repeat it. Therapy cannot protect you from real-life dangers, oppressive circumstances, and threats. It can assist you in evaluating and problem-solving them. Therapy cannot rescue you from danger or evil persons. It can help you learn to recognize them and to avoid them. Therapy cannot simply end your unhappy story, but it can strengthen you to compose a new story.

Therapy is often hard work. You will learn to pay attention to your thoughts, your feelings, and your relationships; to honestly acknowledge them (including feelings you wish you never had); to work with unwanted aspects of yourself; to learn to feel painful things and to face ugly realities; to talk candidly and respectfully with people you'd rather avoid; to accept impossible but inevitable situations; to change frightening but changeable ones; to face the inner monsters and to learn to love the outer ones-or to name and run away from them!

The therapist does not do this work for you. The therapist's job is to listen carefully, to point out strengths that have been unnoticed and weaknesses that have been ignored, to look for hope when you are hopeless and danger when you are naive, to allow you to be dependent when you fear depending and to challenge you to grow up when you would love to stay little. In short, the therapist's job is to assist you to learn to meet your needs, satisfy your desires, and live more freely in this world.